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Missions (Part 5)
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Missions (Part 5)
Likes received: 838
Posted: 2017.04.22 21:17
Edited by: Silver Strike44
Neck: Christ, Alias. Why the fu ck did you get 2 dozen Big Macs?
Alias: I actually got 2 baker's dozen Big Macs.
DK: We heard you order. You said 2 dozen.
Alias: I go there enough. They just know what I mean.
Shep: Why 2 baker's dozen then?
Neck: Yeah, doesn't seem like enough for a fat fu ck like you.
Alias: Don't worry, I'll be back in a bit.
Neck: We'll see about that. We need to find this McLovin fa g first.
DK: Yeah are we close? That greaser at McDonald's said this guy wasn't too far.
Alias: No, we aren't close at all.
Neck: So that fa ggot lied to us?
Alias: I think he was simply mistaken.
Shep: I can't say that I blame him. I bet working in a fu cking McDonald's doing Alias' bidding day and night would fu ck your head right up.
Neck: How can you love McDonald's that much you fat ugly ni gger?
Alias: Because I like Big Macs.
Neck: And how can you like Big Macs that fu cking much, f ag-fu ck?
Alias: I hate Big Macs.
Neck: What in the actual fu ck do you mean? You just downed 26 of those wads of sh it AND you just fu cking said you do like them about 2 seconds ago you f ag-fu ck co ck-suck bi tch-ni gger.
Alias: Yeah, I trolled you, idiot.
Neck: This can't be real life. Why the fu ck did you just eat 26 of them if you don't even fu cking like them, you re tarded baby-di ck mother-fu cking di ck-sucking ass-licking monkey-man?
Alias: To troll you.
DK: Was it worth it?
Alias: Yeah. They weren't even Big Macs. They were double quarter-pounders. Like I said, when I pull into that drive-thru window they know exactly what I want. I only take the time to order so I get the full experience.
Neck: I can't even fu cking comprehend this dipsh it.
Shep: You can't even comprehend how bad Alias just fu cking wrecked you. AGAIN.
Neck: What the fu ck ever. Doggy sh it.
Shep: You know, I'm actually impressed. No matter how much we make fun of him for it, Alias just downed 13 pounds of meat. That's actually ungodly.
DK: Neck's dad can't even take that much meat at once. He died when he tried to.
Neck: SHUTTHEFU CKUPNI GGER.
Alias: I actually just ate 39 pounds of meat, Shepherd.
Shep: What do you mean? You just ate 26 burgers that had a half pound of meat on each one. That comes out to 13 pounds.
Alias: Yeah, I actually have them put 3 times that much meat on each one.
Shep: Then why in the fu ck did you call them double quarter-pounders?
Alias: Because it's easier.
Shep: Why don't you just call them burgers at that point?
Alias: Because they're so much more than just burgers.
Neck: See, Shep? He's a fu cking ni gger!
Shep: No, I have to respect him. He's legitimately fooling us.
Neck: Well, I don't have any respect for ni ggers, let alone Alias.
Alias: DK, you want to say anything about McDonald's so I can troll you next?
DK: No, I'm good, broski. Are we getting close though?
Alias: No. Not yet.
Shep: Well, anyone have any good stories or anything while we drive?
DK: Neck, you could tell us about how you fantasize about how your first kiss will be.
Neck: What the fu ck ever, bi tch. You know these lips were kissing your mom's a sshole last night.
DK: You're right about one thing, there. You eat a ss.
Neck: You know what? Fine, I'll tell you about my first bi tch.
Neck: Too fu cking bad, ni gger. I'm telling it.
Shep: OK, let's hear it Neck.
DK: I can tell it better than Neck can. He was in high school and he got bullied by black kids so bad that he ra ped a 3-year-old.
Neck: Fu ck no. First of all, they weren't black kids. They were Fu cking NI GGERS!!! Second off, it was back in 7th grade.
Shep: You say that like it wasn't last year, but continue.
Neck: Are you ni gger-fu cks going to stop interrupting me?
Alias: Just tell the da mn story, Neck.
Neck: OK. It was 7th grade. Ya boy started early, you know what I'm saying? You're godda mn mother-fu cking right you know what I'm saying. You see this long flowing mane of black hair. Of fu cking course you do. Every time I got some pu ssy I didn't cut my hair.
Shep: You do see why that's fu cking stupid right?
Neck: The only thing that's stupid about it is how much po on I slay. Well anyways, it was 7th grade and I got my number one bit ch on the webcam. Needless to say, I watched her fingerbang herself so it's basically like I fingerbanged her.
Shep: That's it?
Neck: Fu ck yeah, that's it. What more do I need to say?
Shep: There's so much just stupid and pathetic about that story.
DK: Yeah and about you as a human being. It's sad, really.
Neck: Like what, ni ggers?
Shep: I'm not even going to go into it. I think I'll stick with making fun of you for thinking that that counts as getting pu ssy.
Neck: Make fun of me? I probably get more pu ssy than all 3 of you. Maybe even more than Gustavo.
Alias: Nobody gets more than Gustavo.
Shep: That's true, but to address your other assertion, you absolutely do not.
Neck: I'd fu cking bet on it.
Shep: I take that bet, but that would quite literally be easier than stealing money from a baby. I'm not Silver.
Neck: I think your going to need to back up what your saying, bit ch-boy.
Shep: OK, when's the last time you got "pu ssy."
Neck: Last night, qu eer.
Shep: Describe it.
Neck: OK, f aglord. I went on Brazzers and watched some MILF po rn.
Shep: And that's it?
Neck: What the fu ck more could a person need?
Shep: And you think that's getting pu ssy?
Neck: No fu cking sh it, Sherlock. There's pu ssy involved and I get off. I get all of my pu ssy exclusively through computer screens.
Shep: I rest my case.
DK: Wow. Neck might actually have autism. I feel kind of bad about trolling him all the time now.
Alias: I don't.
DK: Yeah, I was just kidding. Fu ck this fat ugly ni gger.
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