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Saving Private Lycan (Part 3)

#1 Posted: 2017.02.12 19:16  |  Edited by: Silver Strike44
Mozai: Chris, hand me zat double quarter-pounder and zat lighter.
Alias: What are you doing?
Mozai: I'm going to burn zis hamburg.
Alias: No, please! I'll do anything!
Mozai: Listen to zis little bi tchwaffen cry, Chris.
Chris: It's pretty funny, Pav.
Mozai: Zat is Mr. Fun to you!
Chris: Yes, Mr. Fun.
Mozai: Now, lardneck, tell me vat I vant to know.
Chris: Man, that's not the kind of nickname I wanted.
Mozai: I vas not referring to you, imbecile!
Chris: Oh, sorry, Pav.
Mozai: Just go wait in the lounge!
Chris: But I want to watch this nerd sweat.
Mozai: Shut the fu ck up, Chris!
Chris: Fine, I'll go, but I'm starting to think Mr. Fun isn't really so fun.
Mozai: It is irony! It is not literal! Must I explain everything to you?!
Alias: Can you just go back to torturing me? This is awful.
Mozai: Ah, yes, ze fast food. Does it hurt seeing me hurt your precious hamburg?
Alias: Actually, yeah. You guys can go back to arguing.
Mozai: Well, zen, tell me vat I vant to know.

Pack: Man, those niggas really fu cked up this hood.
Tex: Yeah, I wonder if there's anyone left in this town.
Z: What about them?
Gus: Holy sh it. They have a kid!
Zatara: Please, take our child.
Tex: How did you guys survive?
Zatara: We locked our distric- I mean door and hid in this secret pocket.
Devin: And I planted a bunch of remote explosives for protection and had a shotgun as a backup. Nobody was going to take my wife and child.
Dagger: That's me.
Zatara: So, please, take our child to a safer place.
Dagger: I don't really like the look of these guys, mom, but if you think it's for the best I'll do it.
DK: That's not even a child. He's older than half of us.
Devin: He's still our little baby. Please.
Gus: He's kid enough for me.
Shep: We have enough neckbeards who live in their parents' basements. We don't need another one.
Z: That's fu cked. We need to help them.
DK: They seem like total FA ggots. I don't think we should help them out.
Gus: Guys, they're offering us a kid. Why is this even a debate?
Neck: God, you really are a total fa g.
Tex: We can't take him. It's out of the question.
Gus: You can't stop true love!

Gustavo grabs the man-child. A shot rings out.

Z: Guys, help me!
Shep: Keep your head down or you're going to bu ttfu cked a second time.
Z: DK, you got to help me!
DK: Dude, stop moving and shut up or you're going to go owen.
Z: No, listen. I wrote this letter pretending to be an internet girl. I need you to send it to Neck.
Neck: What did you say, ni gger?
Z: Huh? Nothing. C'mon, DK, it'll be funny as sh it.
Air: Just shut up, bi tch boy. It's not that hawd!

Z starts to crawl back towards the group. Another shot rings out. Z gets fu cking rekt.

Kalash: Neck, did you just shoot him?
Neck: Yeah, the first time. I was just going to let that baby-di ck bi tch-ni gger bleed out.
Tex: So who shot him the second time.
Air: Oi, it was Pack.
Shep: Pack, why did you kill him?
Pack: I saw where Neck shot that ni gga. He was suffering.
Shep: So you knew it wasn't an enemy who shot him?
Pack: Yeah, but like I said, that ni gga looked like he was in pain.
Kalash: Aren't you the medic?
Pack: Well, yeah, but what the fu ck was I supposed to do.That ni gga was finished.
Tex: Maybe give him medical attention.
DK: Yeah, do you have downs-tism? He only got shot in the foot.
Pack: Aight, listen. I'll save the next one, OK?
Shep: Lobotomized.
Neck: You're probably going to be the next one, you fu cking re tarded sh it-fu ck.
Pack: Oh, then I'll definitely try real hard to save the next one.
Gus: So, we're taking the kid, right?
Tex: Well, he's not really a kid and we do need someone to take Z's place, so sure.
Zatara: You're going to make my baby a soldier? He barely has a million skill points. That doesn't sound any safer than here.
Devin: Nah, it's pretty toxic around here. It's probably still for the best.
Zatara: OK, dear, whatever you say.
Tex: Stay safe now.
DK: FA gs.
Neck: Ni ggers.
Dagger: Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

They continue on out of the city and deeper into enemy lines. They approach a clearing and spot some enemies.

Pack: Ay, Gs, I spy a few evil ni ggas up there.
Tex: I see them, too. Here's what we're going to do: Kalash and I will go up the middle and lay down some fire. Shep, DK, and Neck will flank from the left and Gustavo, Pack, and Dagger will flank the right side.
Air: Oi, what about me?
Shep: Home point.
Air: Blimey!
Tex: Yeah, watch our backs, Destroyer. Let's move.

Tex: Hey, Kalash, you ever think everyone but us is just supposed to repeat a select few words and phrases?
Kalash: Holy Cow! Wow! Calculated.
Tex: Yeah, it does seem calculated by somebody. We just seem to be here to serve as voices of reason.
Kalash: No way!
Tex: No, really.
Kalash: okay.
Tex: It seems like we do the same job and we don't both even have to be here.
Kalash: Siiiick!
Tex: Well, it doesn't mean you can go home or anything.
Kalash: Well played.
Tex: Why are you talking like that?
Kalash: My bad...
Tex: It's fine. It's just a little weird.
Kalash: Nice save!
Tex: What I was saying was is if one of us died, it might not change much.
Kalash: Savage!
Tex: Yeah, that did sound a little harsh.
Kalash: Take the shot!
Tex: Right. Back to the matter at hand.

Gus: OK, Dagger, bend over.
Dagger: What?
Gus: Uh, get down, I mean. Don't want the enemies to see us.
Dagger: Oh, yeah.
Pack: Just a heads up, my ni gga. This other ni gga's tryna fu ck you. Prolly in the a ss.
Gus: No! How many times do I have to say it? I only fu ck corpses.
Dagger: I'm not a corpse, silly.
Gus: Not yet, but war is a dangerous place...
Dagger: I guess it is.
Pack: All I'm sayin is watch yo back, my ni gga. And by back I mean yo a sshole.
Dagger: OK.
Gus: Pack, you're looking mighty fine and close to death today.
Pack: Nah, not today, my ni gga. I ain't gonna die next then Neck'll look like a damn foo!
#2 Posted: 2017.05.01 22:38
#3 Posted: 2017.07.30 03:34
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