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Saving Private Lycan (Part 2)

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#1 Posted: 2017.01.20 22:39  |  Edited by: Silver Strike44
Alias: Where am I?
Mozai: You're in a zecret military test fazility.
Alias: What kind of test facility?
Mozai: Vell, ve do all kinds of tests here. Ve mostly Vork on creating ze perfect fast food hamburg here.
Alias: So can I have a Big Mac?
Mozai: You are a prisoner of var you know. Zo Is zat a joke?
Alias: Yeah, It is. Fu ck Big Macs. I only eat double quarter-pounders.
Mozai: I zee. Vell, fast food is not my zpecialty.
Alias: You can't just go get me a double quarter-pounder?
Mozai: NO! Zis is not ze time or ze place for zat.
Alias: Well, what is it the time and place for?
Mozai: Torture!
Alias: Yeah, not giving me a double quarter-pounder right now is basically torture.
Mozai: Oh, zat makes my job easy zen.
Alias: You're a f ag. Who are you anyways?
Mozai: Zey call me Mr. Fun and zis is my assistant, Chris.
Chris: Why don't I get cool nickname like you do?
Mozai: Because you are a greasy zcrub.

Tex: So, I just got word on the identity of the soldier we're supposed to save.
DK: I bet it's some highly g ay fa glord.
Neck: I bet it's some highly lynchable ni gger.
Gus: I bet it's some guy whose corpse will be highly fu ckable.
Tex: It's Alias.
Neck: Of course it's fu cking Alias. No other ni gger is fat enough to support America's entire fast food industry.
DK: How did that re tard even end up in a plane flying over enemy lines.
Tex: Apparently he thought that squad was us.
Shep: Lobotomized.
Gus: On the real guys, if he's dead when we find him, do you mind if I fu ck the no longer living sh it out of his corpse?
Neck: We don't give a fu ck. You can do it if he's alive.
DK: Yeah, he's pretty g ay. He'd probably like it.
Gus: That's gross, guys. Plus I already told you I'm not a fa g.
Shep: You're all a bunch of qu eerbates. Let's get going. We were supposed to pick up another squad to help us on the mission.

Tex: You're Delta Squad?
Kalash: Yep.
Neck: More like dogsh it squad.
Shep: There are only three of you. Where are the other three?
Z: This dumba ss Pack team killed them.
Pack: Ni gga, they told me to pop a cap in the a ss of anything that moves and those ni ggas was movin'.
Kalash: Yeah, we were boarding the boats for the beach assault and unfortunately for the three members of our squad walking in front of him, Pack remembered that and another piece of advice he always forgets; aim down sights. So, he actually hit his targets for once.
Z: Where's your guys' sixth man?
Shep: That's what we need you guys for. We're supposed to save him.
Pack: The fu ck's that ni gga at?
Neck: Apparently the fu cktard parachuted in over enemy lines.
Pack: Then fu ck that ni gga. His a ss ain't worth my a ss.
Tex: It's not his a ss they need him back for, it's his neck.
Z: Look, nobody gives a sh it if this fu cking fa ggot Pack dies, but what about me? I have a girlfriend at home. I signed up to fight for my country, not waste my life on a suicide mission trying to rescue some dipsh it.
Tex: I have people at home, too, but they're screwed if we don't save Alias.
Z: How come?
Neck: Long story short, that fat fu ck's neck supports our economy and it'll get ra ped without him.
Kalash: So why is he here fighting in this war?
Shep: He told us he thought the ship that brought us here had a McDonald's on it and then he was here.
DK: The re tard probably thought there was a McDonald's on the plane, too. It's the only logical explanation.
Gus: Well, should we get going, guys?
DK: Eager to get out there and fu ck some corpses?
Gus: How did you know?
Tex: One more thing before we go. We're supposed to pick up a translator.

Air: Oi, you want me to do wot?
DK: Come with us and translate when we need you to. It's not that hard.
Air: Of course it isn't hard, bi tch boy. I'm the destroyer of air. It just sounds like a mission for a wanker. I ain't no wanker, m8.
Neck: No, it's a mission for a ni gger. And you're most definitely a ni gger. Let's go, ni gger.
Air: Oi.

Neck: Why the fu ck do we have to walk all this way? Why can't we take a fu cking jeep?
Pack: Does this ni gga ever stop complaining?
Neck: Shut the fu ck up baby-di ck bi tch-ni gger. I'm going to carry your fa ggot-a ss on this mission while you all go owen.
Tex: Who's Owen?
Neck: You ni ggers are all Owen if you don't get any kills.
Gus: We can't take a jeep because we wouldn't all fit in one jeep. Duh.
Neck: So two jeeps then, fa gwad.
DK: Why would they waste even one jeep on us if we're a bunch of ni ggers?
Neck: Exactly.
DK: That contradicts what you just said.
Neck: Sorry I forgot I'm surrounded by a bunch of ni ggers.
Shep: How can you forget that when you say it all the fu cking time. Oh yeah, a lobotomy will do that to you.
Pack: I may be a real-a ss ni gga, but I ain't no ni gger.
Neck: Fu cking ni ggers.
Gus: Hey, guys, does all this killing ever weigh down on your consciences?
DK: Don't you fu ck corpses?
Gus: Yeah, but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tex: Didn't you kill a little girl?
Gus: Yeah, but I'm asking about killing in a war.
Kalash: Aren't you also the guy who tortured countless prisoners of war while live streaming the Geneva Convention and making a drinking game out of it?
Gus: Yeah, but that's not the same thing, either.
Neck: And aren't you a dirty ni gger?
Gus: No, I wash my hands sometimes.
Shep: Well, to answer your question, then, no it doesn't really bother me.
Gus: Why not? I sure keeps me up at night.
Z: All of that fu cked up sh it and that's what keeps you up at night?
Gus: That's what I said.
Shep: The way I think about it is since someone killed someone else once it's okay for me to kill.
Gus: Your logic is the fault lays on whoever killed another person first.
Shep: Yeah.
Gus: They are responsible for all murder?
Shep: Yep.
Gus: Even unwarranted or unrelated murders?
Shep: Yes.
Pack: Ni gga, that's fu cking stupid.
#2 Posted: 2017.02.03 19:48
#3 Posted: 2017.05.01 22:37
#4 Posted: 2017.07.30 03:33
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