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Saving Private Lycan (Part 1)

#1 Posted: 2017.01.14 03:14  |  Edited by: Silver Strike44
Alias: So why are we in this plane again?
Tec: Didn't we just tell you the answer to that?
Alias: Yeah, but I wasn't listening.
McLovin: I bet that's what Alias always says when he can't hear something because of all the c um lodged in his anal canal?
Alias: Do you mean my ear canal?
McLovin: You have c um lodged in your ear canal? Are you some sort of qu eer?
Alias: No.
McLovin: You're not a qu eer, but you do have c um in your ears?
Glob: Why is this ni gga Alias even here?
Alias: I'm supposed to be.
Tec: This isn't even your squad.
Alias: It's not?
Tec: You don't even know who your squad members are?
Alias: Not really. I sort of just zone out when I'm with them.
Tec: Whatever. All you have to do is jump when Fear tells us to and then activate your parachute before you hit the ground.
Alias: How do I activate my parachute?
Glob: Ni gga, you really thought you belonged in this plane and you don't even know how to use your parachute?
Tec: All you do is pull that cord.
Alias: Which cord?
McLovin: There's only one cord, dipsh it.
Alias: So pull this cord?
Tec: Yeah.
Alias: OK.

Alias pulls the cord and descends to the ground miles from the drop point and deep in enemy territory.
#2 Posted: 2017.01.14 03:15  |  Edited by: Silver Strike44
Tex: OK, we just received new orders from command, guys.
Neck: So we can stop digging these graves? Thank fu cking God.
DK: What do you mean? You volunteered us to dig these graves.
Neck: No I didn't. Are you fu cking re tarded.
DK: Yeah you did. You said you wanted to fu ck the corpses and then be able to bury the evidence really fast.
Shep: God, did you really say that Neck?
Neck: Fu ck no.
DK: I specifically remember because you were fu cking a corpse when you said it.
Neck: That was Gustavo. He's fu cking a corpse right now.
Gus: Hey, that doesn't mean I said that.
Shep: Did you?
Gus: Yeah.
DK: Oh yeah, I remember now. Neck and Gustavo were both fu cking the same corpse and they both said that.
Neck: Shut up you stupid beach-digger.
DK: What did you just say?
Neck: I meant bi tch-ni gger. We've been on this beach digging graves for way too fu cking long.
Shep: Why the fu ck are we digging graves on the beach?
Gus: What's wrong with that?
Shep: The bodies will just get washed up, nincompoop.
Gus: Yeah, I just didn't want to have to drag them all the way off the beach. I'd barely have enough energy to fu ck them after that.
Shep: OK. What about the rest of you? What do you have to say for yourselves?
Neck: We just did what Gustavo said.
Shep: And why the fu ck would you listen to a lobotomized chimp like him?
DK: What do you mean? He outranks all of us.
Shep: You must be sh itting me.
Gus: Nah, command told me if I performed heinous war crimes on prisoners of war, they would promote me.
Tex: And you did it?
Gus: Yeah, who wouldn't?
Tex: Well, most decent men would probably refuse to perform such evil acts for merely a promotion.
Gus: What I meant was who wouldn't take the chance to do what they love AND get rewarded for it.
Tex: Well, back to the mission.
Shep: Yeah, what is it?
Tex: Command wants us to save some soldier who accidentally parachuted in over enemy lines.
DK: Accidentally parachuted in over enemy lines?
Tex: Yeah, several miles over enemy lines, apparently.
DK: What a fu cking idiot.
Shep: Why should we risk all of our lives for one imbecile who sh it the bed?
Tex: Command said something about America's fast food industry failing without him which would slowly lead to the collapse of the whole country.
Neck: Are you fu cking joking?
Tex: Yeah, I am. The collapse would actually be near instant.
Shep: So what you're telling us is that his death would mean the destruction of our country?
Tex: Uh-huh.
Shep: And command sent him in a plane over enemy lines?
Tex: I guess so.
Shep: So who's the idiot running command?
Tex: Well, you know how Gustavo outranks all of us...
Shep: No way.
Tex: He outranks ALL of us.
Gus: They let me have as much fun as I wanted AND put me in charge of command. Isn't that neat? I guess good things do happen to good people.
Neck: Ni gger, you're the most fu cked up piece of sh it that I've ever met. You should be lynched.
Gus: Hey, don't talk to your commanding officer like that of you might be the one getting lynched.
DK: If you run command then why did we get a message telling us our mission? Why didn't you just tell it to us?
Gus: Uh...
Shep: Yeah, and why did you get ordered to dig graves with us?
Gus: Oh, I know that one. I volunteered to.
Shep: But someone still gave you the orders.
Gus: About that...
Shep: You aren't actually in charge of command, are you?
Gus: No.
Shep: They'd never put a weak-minded simpleton like you in charge. Why did you guys say he was running command?
Tex: I didn't know he wasn't in charge anymore.
Shep: Anymore? So he was actually in charge?
Gus: Yeah, they demoted me to private after they caught me vaping.
DK: Vaping?
Gus: You don't know what vaping is? Get with the times.
Neck: You're one of those fa ggots?
DK: You didn't already realize he was a fa ggot? Are you re tarded?
Neck: He's obviously a fu cking fa ggot just like you. I just didn't know he was a vaping fa ggot.
Gus: Hey, I'm not a fa ggot.
Shep: You're fu cking a guy right now.
Gus: Yeah, but I would fu ck any corpse. It doesn't matter if it's an adult male like this one or a female child like the one I just finished with.
Neck: How did you get a female child's corpse?
Gus: By killing a female child.
Neck: Where did you find a little girl in the first fu cking place?
Gus: I brought her with me.
Shep: You brought a child with you when we stormed the beach?
Gus: If you want to get philosophical, I didn't technically bring the child. Just her corpse.
Neck: Jesus Christ.
Shep: Enough of this fu cking dogsh it. Who is the highest ranking one of us?
Tex: Well, I guess it's me.
Neck: Let's get going for the love of fu ck then. These bodies are starting to smell like sh it.
Gus: That's how you know they're ripe. Do we really have to go?
Fatal Absolution
Bleeding Sun Conglomerate
#3 Posted: 2017.01.18 23:58
Some day I'll get bored enough to read this stuff, that day is not today.
#4 Posted: 2017.01.19 23:27
Benjamin Ciscko wrote:
Some day I'll get bored enough to read this stuff, that day is not today.

You had your time in the sun.
Fatal Absolution
Bleeding Sun Conglomerate
#5 Posted: 2017.01.22 06:49
Silver Strike44 wrote:
Benjamin Ciscko wrote:
Some day I'll get bored enough to read this stuff, that day is not today.

You had your time in the sun.

I got a nice tan while I was there.
#6 Posted: 2017.02.03 19:47
#7 Posted: 2017.05.01 22:29
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